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Tuesday, October 28, 2003

seeing other people

dimitra wrote about it, this special relationship you can have with music, the way it sometimes stand in (or make up) for so much else, and i've been feeling this, and i'm not sure about it. i remember, the first time we played at this wonderful little club in cape town, and it was pretty triumphant - and the next morning i had that... feeling. you know, how you feel the morning after the first time you kissed someone you've been secretly in love with for a while? you sleep four hours, but jump out of bed ready for anything? the sun shines for you alone, though it's raining all around? the whole world is bathed in this wonderful glow of meaning? you know.
and i hadn't felt this way for so long, i'd been trying to stop myself feeling that way ever again, because it always hurts - i couldn't help thinking back to the previous night: righard's wonderful little pavement-grandaddy-flaming lips-stereolab-broadcast sequence, everyone smiling with us... i couldn't help thinking back to it, because my aching calves reminded me of every stupid dance-move, every time i moved.
but then, of course, it doesn't last. it doesn't quite, ever, but there's no-one to phone, nothing to really look forward to... only a bare room with a pair of headphones that make you feel even lonelier than before.
the second time we played it was horrible - it was a smallish crowd, and somehow we weren't connecting with them. and in the midst of it, while one of my ultimate favourite dance-floor tunes came on - i suddenly realised that i wasn't enjoying this at all... and at the same time i knew why: no single song, or album, or band could really live up to the expectations i was placing on it. music was my girlfriend, and i was demanding too much, far too much. i would have to give her some space...

Posted by JohaN