I've never had big dreams & I've never asked for much. Not compared with other people that I know, I mean.
Ask any of my friends what they'd wish for and they'd probably say something like:
"Oh you know, I'd like a fast car, a million pounds and chance to play for England in the world cup"
Call me a pessimist if you like, but I don't think you can do any good dreaming too big. You'll only get let down in the end.
You know what I mean?
That's why I keep my dreams small. I mean face it, you don't meet many millionaires with fast cars in Middleton do you? And those you do meet end up in prison before long anyway.
As for playing for England in the World Cup what's the point? I'd only end up missing a crucial penalty against Germany and become an instant target for football fanatics everywhere.
No, there is no point dreaming too big.
The thing I do dream about though, more than anything in the world, is meeting a girl who will love me as much as I love her.
I don't mean a model or anything. Just someone kind who will hold me when the nights get cold.
I had someone once. Her name was Maggie. We met at the a party that my friend Richard had invited me at the start of the summer. He's one of those people that I'm talking about. Always dreaming of something bigger.
"It's only lager" he said getting me a drink from the fridge "This time next year we'll all be drinking champagne and though"
"Yeah, when we win the lottery. Maybe, then." his wife said and everyone laughed.
"Well you never know" said Richard and winked at me.
"Yes you do. You won't win and besides why is everyone dreaming of such big things these days? Just be happy with the small stuff" I said.
And just like that Maggie turned and smiled at me.
You've never seen a smile like it.
She was the only one smiling though. Everyone else had wondered of muttering about "bloody killjoys" etc. Not that bothers me. I've heard it all before. Besides her smile was worth a thousand from other people.
"You are probably right there" she said and then told me how the whole world seemed to have gone mad. "It seems to me that everyone thinks they are entitled to so much" she said and I nodded. We talked all night about everything, or rather she talked and I listened and watch her smile, amazed by the fact that I had finally met someone who thought the same as me.
Before we left she said:
"Here, pass me your phone" and went and typed her number into it. "Now you can phone me any time you like".
And that was that. We did start to phone each other any time we liked, see each other pretty often too. For a while it was brilliant, it really was. But all the while there was something in my head nagging away at me:
"This is too good" it was saying "this won't last".
And sure enough it didn't.
It was late on Sunday. We were sitting in my house drinking coffee. Her head was leant against my shoulder, and I was stroking her soft long hair. It all seemed perfect to me. So I said:
"This is all I want. This I all I need"
She looked at me, with a kind of half laugh, half question mark in her eyes.
"Yes but you want to travel and see places don't you?" I shook my head.
"But you do want to learn about new things, experience new cultures?"
"Not so much" I said.
"Surely you can't mean you want to stay right here in this town forever?"
"Yes. I do." I said. And I really meant it. I wanted to stay right there on that sofa with her. Forever. I never wanted to leave.
Problem was, that after she realised that we stopped seeing each other quite so often, then one day she told me:
"I've got a job in America."
And that was that. She was gone.
I missed her for a long time after she left, but I was never too sad. Being with her was too much like winning a million pounds, or a fast car, and a chance of playing football for England. It is just too perfect and before long you know you are going to end up with a broken heart.
There is no point dreaming too big.