A GUIDE TO TRAINS
Trains should be treated with extreme caution. If, for whatever reason, you do find yourself confronted with one of these monsters, try to relax and make the best of the situation.

A guide to the beach
The sea is shiny and smooth and I was quite surprised to discover it was wet. Very wet. In fact the sea is made entirely out of water which stays quite still while the sea moves.

A guide to kitchens...
Every dog deserves a place like this to sit and mull over the the puzzles of this crazy world and what better room could it be, than in than in the best room of the house?

A guide to snow
Snow is a magical substance which glitters and floats down from the sky and only appears when it wants to appear.

A guide to training your person
The first time my girl moved from the front room to the kitchen and then to the fridge door was one of the proudest moments in my life.

Spiders & Happines
She said "I do not think models ever look quite that messy Belle". I went off the idea of becoming a model very quickly after that because rolling around in the mud had been great fun.

A guide to training your person
I am quite sure that if I was not with her she would have got completely lost!

A quide to food
There was no going back now. I could not give the girl the mushroom back again... and I certainly could not eat the thing... and it seemed it was going to keep singing and singing.

A quide to Christmas
"Hey, Christmas is going to be here soon, Belle!"
I waited around for what must have been at least 5 minutes and Christmas did not arrive, but that cat did.

A guide to fashion!
The girl and me have very different opinions of what looks good on a dog.

A guide to Cats

I didn't see him again for a couple of days and was beginning to think I was going a bit mad. Perhaps I had imagined him? Even cats can't just disappear can they?

Sister Janice and the Big White Boot
She didn't look altogether pleased when I went to visit though and started shouting about how irresponsible it was to leave a bone lying in the middle of a hall full of dancing people in need of salvation.

Sister Janice gets replaced
Someone told me the women in Carluke pubs all wear leopard-skin to dissuade me but it only encouraged me. However on arriving at the Kirkton I found there was not one woman attired in this way.

A guide to sheep
Unwilling to get disheartened by such a small setback I decided to ask them a few questions

The Job Application
You state that you require a reliable person to be in charge of the quality control of the chocolate you produce. Although I'm not actually a person (and don't you think you could be being a little doggist by only advertising for one species), I would be

The Party
I watched the girl as she coloured her face in and laughed. She was wearing her funny black shoes that make her limp a little bit. The woman was wearing bright shiny things from her ears. The man had put on his trousers which are allergic to me

A Close Encounter Of The Bird Kind
I walked slowly and carefully toward the nearest one and with out warning it flapped its arms and whoosh! It was up in the air again.

A guide to people
They are all so different and just as you think you finally understand one of them, another person comes along with a whole new set of rules and you are back to square one. It is enough to make your head spin!

Sister Janice Sulks
"well if you really want to waste your time on a bunch of nobody's that's your business! just don't expect me to answer any problems from a bunch of cardie-wearing fools

A guide to being alone
Its quite lonely when I'm on my own and there is a temptation to sit around moping and feeling sorry for myself but that would get me nowhere fast!

Nothing is normal when you have a bright yellow ball
The girl took away the funny looking tree from the house today. Good thing too if you ask me. Everyone knows that trees don't belong in houses.

Some Strange Behaviour
instead of eating her own food she started to eat small oval shaped sweets. Not many of them either. Just two every now and again. They didn't look like a very good replacement for some nice toast or a bowel of cornflakes.

The boy as tall as a tree and the journey to the land in the middle of the sea.
I decided to have a look out of the window to see what was going on and I couldn't believe my eyes! The room that we were sat in was in the middle of the sea!

The boy as tall as a tree and the journey to the land in the middle of the sea.
I was glad we had the boy as tall as a tree with us because he said: "it's ok Belle I'll save you". All the girl said was "Belle don't be daft it its just a plastic bag".

A guide to meeting people
You will need to know (a) where the biscuit cupboard is, (b) who to remind to get food when you think your person might be getting hungry; and (c) whether or not you'll be having chicken for tea.

A handy human phrasebook
The human language is not easy to understand so to help you out I have put together a helpful phrase book full of everyday phrases to help you get by.

a href="http://www.friendsoftheheroes.co.uk/archive/issue102.html#3">It's good to be home!
Every time I go away on holiday now, I'm always slightly worried that me and the girl have moved houses again and will never be going back to my home

The Disappearance
Alice is the dog who lives with the woman across the road. She is a nice dog but we don't have a lot in common. She likes to chase after balls and bring them back for her people. I like to chase after balls and run as far away from my people as I can.

Christmas Haircut
It was early evening, and all was well with the world. The girl had given me my food, then she had give me some of her food, and then I had rolled over and over on the carpet and to show her how happy was, and I was all ready for a quiet evening tearing a